See this isn't my heart
My heart is warm and caring
It loves to love
It helps
It feels for others
It keeps me going
No, this is not my heart
This heart is cold and distant
It's brittle
Unable to understand others
Constantly in pain
It's slowly killing me
What did you do with my heart
Why did you take it
I have nothing for myself and nothing to give
My heart was stolen
I don't know how to get it back

I decided it was too late

I walked onto the train tracks
And I decided that today was the day
I decided that if the conductor saw me it would be too late
If I screamed no one would hear me
As the train rides away
If I lay dead on the tracks who anyone see me
Who anyone stop to help me
I decided that none of it was as simple as yes or no
I decided that once the train came I would never really know the answer
Because I would be gone
I stood and I realized
I wasn't alone
I stood with hundreds more young and old
Standing on the tracks
Waiting for the same fate
Not acknowledging that anyone else was there
I realized there were cars passing by us, none stopping
Unwilling to help
Unwilling to take the time to notice
Unwilling to be selfless
We were all caught in our own
I decided to step off the tracks
I decided that nothing would change
Hundreds more would return tomorrow
And more cars would pass
And the train would still come
I wondered why they were still there
I wondered why I was there
I decided this wasn't right
I screamed begging for someone to notice
For someone else to leave the tracks
For someone to leave their car
The train came
Two cars stopped
Five people left the tracks
The train left
I wondered how long it would take for the dead bodies to be seen
I decided eight voices won't matter
If hundreds more refuse to listen

No more

You'll never know
What you did
You may apologize day after day
But you'll never know
You may think what you are doing is right
But you don't know
Because it wasn't you
You didn't get hurt
I did
You didn't get lied to
I did
You didn't get disrespected
I did
You don't look like the fool
I do
I let you in one last time
Because I am the fool
But no more hurt
No more pain
Because then I'll be gone

untitled

It's time to rewrite my own history
Best part about life
Is nothing's ever written in stone
Or pen, for that matter
One eraser could change my whole life
Erase you so you can never come back

My Tree

I am not one
I belong to my father
A man analytical views and new age thoughts
A man of great thoughts
Though few of great words
The tongue of blade
Striking when the time is right
A man of his word
A man who chose not to flight
I belong to my mother
A creative woman who's eyes look to God
Her words speak volumes
Her heart holds on far more than it can carry
An attacker at times
But continues to bury more inside
I am not my own
I was bore by my mother
And planted by my father
Their love grew me
And then grew apart
My tree is broken though many have tried to repair
I grown by the water
Hoping its healings will bless my roots
But though wet, I stay in pieces
I was not meant to be whole
At least not yet
I was born of many differences
Unable to grow together
So they grew apart
I grew with them

Do I?

Good morning mirror
How do I look today?
Do I look pretty?
Not really, but I can get there
Do I look ready?
No, but it does not mean I'm not
Do I look older?
Yes, but I suppose that's nothing new
Do I look wiser?
No, but I suppose wise is not a look
Do I look fatter?
Maybe
Do I look taller?
No, no I do not
Do I look different?
I think so, but I'm not sure why
Do I look good enough for you?
I suppose I can't answer that for you
Do I look good enough for me?
Yes I do
That's what's different
Do I look happy?
Happier than I've ever been

It's not just me

Empty my heart and you may have it
Release the misery and bring it joy
Remove the rot and let it glow
I will not be that girl
If you promise not to be that guy
I will not bring him with me
If you promise not to be him
I want to give us my all
But I need you too
This is not a one way street
A street that leads only through me
I need you next to me
Your river, your road, your connection
When you don't exist, I still do
But I rather not
If I cannot be with you
Can I have the same promise
That you will do the same
That you will exist without me
But feel overjoyed at my presence
Make me that promise that it will never start
I've vowed to give you me
Now vow me.